I should start this post with a heavy trigger warning about eating disorders and mental health. It's been years since I saw this quote on Twitter but it's one that stayed with me... "teaching someone to be a perfect diabetic is akin to teaching someone to have an eating disorder."Sounds a bit drastic, I know. As a type one diabetic, I have to measure every single thing that passes my lips. Every. Single. Thing. There is an undeniable amount of hard work and maths that goes into controlling blood glucose.
We do this with everything, even drinks. Caffeine can effect BG just as much as a plate of fruit for some people. There aren't really any rules, everyone is different. The hardest thing about diabetes can be the inconsistency. There are so many factors going into what controls our BG, all we can do is a series of guestimating until we find something that works and keep trialling it. Aim of the game? To try and reduce the fluctuations in our BG. We want it to look more like this... And less like this... Which, in some ways, is quite an unrealistic goal. Yes, it is achievable and with a lot of hard work you could find yourself with graphs looking like a muggle. However, pining for this result day in and day out can end up eating away at your soul. The pressure of achieving perfect diabetes control can massively affect our mental health. I was in two minds whether to write about this as haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I have friends who have been through a lot worse than I have and in a way, my story seems irrelevant. But that got me thinking, maybe this is why I should tell my story...
As with any of my blogs, I open up with the hopes of helping other people feeling the same way.
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I am overwhelmed with the messages I've had over recent years regarding my NLD. I wish I had better advice but truth is, I have no idea what I've done for my NLD to be a 'success story'. I still heavily believe it's luck. An old friend always used to refer to me as his 'little rabbit foot'.
This may very well be the last post I do about NLD, as I don't have much to offer these days. I even debated whether this post was worth it. Looking back at the blog from five years ago, thinking about the dozens of people who have messaged in those years, I can see now it is. This is blog 4 about NLD, to read the others click here. In blog 3 I discuss what think may have helped, it might be worth checking out. It's 2021. We're in our third lockdown. I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with, which has lead me back here.
I never meant to abandon this blog, life just got a bit... complicated. So before I dive right into the deep end with my next blog post, I thought I'd play catch up. To spice things up a little, JDRF Midlands swapped out one of their One Run's for a KAPOW!
Full of inflatables, obstacle courses and diabetic warriors dressed as superheroes, what a day to remember! I'm always so relieved when people come to me and ask about my Necrobiosis. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know of anyone who had it. I searched for a hashtag on Instagram and found as little as 16 posts.
I am no 'NLD' guru, by any means (and I'm definitely not a medical professional!) But if what I've experienced can be of any use to someone, then I'll continue to write about it. In light of what Renza was discussing at #ATTDDSMS, "we need to end the stigma associated with developing complications and the only way we can do that is for those with complications to feel comfortable sharing their stories". 2018 was not my year.
Don't worry, this isn't a "new year, new me" promise. (Because it's almost February now). The things I've been through in the last 12-18 months would make some great content. Ranging from the things people can relate to on a daily basis, right down to 'you can't even dream that s*** up'. I want to blog about it, believe me. But for now, I can't. To be cliche, I've had some of my highest highs and lowest lows. (Glucose and mental health alike). I've been stuck in this pit of self-loathing, anxiety and stress for way too long. I took my time but I'm feeling fresh and I'm ready to tackle the world again. I want to start blogging again and re-introduce myself to the land of #gbdoc. So, I apologise for my absence and I hope you'll welcome me back with open arms. "Don't think too much, just do what makes you happy". - #DFTE It was an average school day. I was about 9 years old and on my way to class.
(I say normal, I used to go home for lunch so my mom could inject and feed me. I didn't live far away and I'd be back in time for the 'end of lunch' bell to ring.) We sat down for our science lesson, which just so happened to include watching a video about diabetes and the history of pig insulin. The presenter made a false statement about 'diabetics being overweight'. My classmates looked at me and sniggered. I was a chubby 9 year old. I felt awful. I was heartbroken and I was ashamed. At nine years old, I was ashamed of being me. I was ashamed of living with an illness I couldn't control. From that day on, I've had to defend myself about my diabetes.
This May, I volunteered as a photographer and videographer for the JDRF Midlands 'One Fun Run' in Abbey Park, Leicester. It was a fantastic event, filled with mischief from people of all ages and the sun was shining a very hot 24 degrees.
The best part about the One Run, of course, is the colour run at the end! Which makes for some excellent action shots. The rest of the photos can be seen on JDRF Midlands Facebook page.
This was JDRF Midlands first ever 'One Run' event, where an outstanding £6,000 was raised and I'm sure there will be more events like these in the future. In fact, the Midlands One Walk at Drayton Manor is coming up in September and it would be great to see you there!
It has been exactly a year since I posted about my NLD. If you haven't read any of my 'necrobiosis story' thus far, you can read about it here. Fast forward to last week, I was faffing around in my bedroom (as per usual). I glanced down towards the floor and as the light bounced off my leg, I noticed a big red blob didn't stare back at me. I did a double-take, eyes focused on my calf. I rotated my leg a little. I jumped to a different stance, thinking my eyes were tricking me. With a crash and a wallop, I swung my leg on to my bed for a closer look...
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